I think the bolded portion is that part that we all agree on. I would have thought that rainbow's previous discussion with her daughter would have given everyone all of the information that was needed about the daughter's hesitancy in affection, but that may just have been me reading into it.

The part that you two are disagreeing on is really only about how to address the problem. What works for one person might not work for another. I am pretty comfortable with my daughter saying, "hey Baby, doesn't seem like you want a hug right now. You want to talk about what is bothering you?" And she is okay saying yes, and telling me what is going on, or saying no, she wants to wait and talk about it later. That works for us. If MY mother asked me about me not wanting a hug, she didn't ask that way; she would be more like what you indicated, autoelica: "What is WRONG with you??? I'm YOUR MOTHER! You HAVE to hug me." So, I can see both sides in this. Hopefully, rainbow can find a way to address this that works for her AND her daughter.