If you can stop and try to figure out where the anger is coming from, that helps me. I get angry when I'm anxious/afraid, in the sense that I don't have "control". Anger lets us know we feel something is being/has been taken from us (which is anxiety producing); it just gives us the "energy" to figure out how to act.

So, when you feel yourself getting angry, ignore the angry incident (I once called and cussed out a grocery store manager because I left my 2 cans of cat food because the clerk put it in a separate bag when I only bought like 4 items total; I took one bag but didn't know/think about there being two bags -- was trying to blame the clerk for my own not paying attention; in reality, it was a reaction from something that had happened hours earlier that I didn't feel I could do anything about -- kind of a "kick the dog" delayed reaction (boss yells at husband, husband goes home and yells at wife for being 5 minutes late with dinner, wife yells at child for not eating all his vegetables, child kicks dog for laying in doorway and almost tripping them; if husband processed the boss thing, he doesn't mind waiting 5 minutes for his dinner, goes to kitchen and compliments wife on good smells and kisses her "hello", wife is able to be caring and compassionate and coax the kid to eat at least one more bite, kid sees dog and lays on floor to chat with dog).

I "drop" whatever is making me angry, whatever if going on "outside" and look inside immediately when I realize I'm getting angry, first checking that whatever if making me angry is "worth" it (the grocery store manager said he'd find the 2 cans of cat food and they'd be there waiting if I came back to pick them up (what was I expecting, that he'd fire/yell at the clerk? :-) and I, still angry, realized that would not be worth the time/cost of the stupid 2 cans of cat food? Why was I going to all this time and trouble, making other people unhappy over $1.00? I doubt the store manager needed the angry conversation?) and if it is worth it, I don't bother with, drop, my angry "stance" and try to solve whatever problem I perceive there is instead.

I don't have very good luck with just walking away; I'm still upset and whatever trigger there has been for me isn't resolved and will keep getting me again and again? I don't want to be in the next room still thinking about whatever has made me angry and still thinking of retorts, etc. and chewing on myself. If someone else is doing something I don't like; (a) I cannot do anything about another person's behavior, past, present, or future and (b) the operative phrase is "I don't like" and I am responsible for my own likes/dislikes and matching my feelings with my thinking/good brain to come up with actions that are good for me.

I look at my default/automatic pilot responses if I keep having the same thing happen again and again. If my parent or sibling, boss, friend, etc. keeps saying/doing things I don't like, I have to look at why I don't like it.

I left home because my stepmother called me "stupid" one time too many. I knew I was not stupid, didn't really have a self esteem problem there but the name calling from someone I would love support from hurt my feelings. What to do?

(1) I could tell her, "When you call me names it hurts my feelings; I would love more support from you instead of name calling," and open up the way for an understanding dialog/conversation.

(2) I could think about "stupid", which I am not, think about the incident that resulted in the name calling (I was making Good Seasons salad dressing and put the water in before the vinegar or vinegar before the water, whichever was "wrong" :-) and see what is going on with that; in my case, "stupid" is a little over the top? It doesn't really make a whole lot of difference in the larger scheme of things which is done first in making the salad dressing? That means it was my stepmother who has the bigger problem, not me. I'm not so "stupid" as she is "unreasonable", "critical", "controlling"?

(3) I can think about how I feel (hurt feelings) and what I want to do about it (leave home; the name calling was not a sudden, new thing and I felt unable to confront and work through this incident and all my previous relationship at that time) and then concentrate on making a plan to do that.

When a boss criticized me unfairly in public, after I finished feeling hurt and came to understand that I was not in the wrong, I came up with a plan what I was going to do so it would not happen again or how I was going to set a boundary with him; his behavior was not something I was going to tolerate in my life and if he did it again, I was not going to stay at that job! Coming up with a plan (avoid him; if I could not avoid and had to do some work with him and he made fun of me again, I'd warn him that "I was not to be spoken to disrespectfully and if he did it again, I'd quit," and then I'd follow through -- three strikes and he'd be out!) and understanding my own feelings and "doing" something for myself made me feel much much better!

(4) Some where in there is the possibility that I have something "wrong", that what I think is going on is not what actually is. I could ask questions, clarify what is going on. Kind of like (1) above but more "general". Being curious is much more interesting and comfortable than being angry or hurt is. We can assume people are hurting us or we can assume we don't quite understand something and are being hurting ourselves in some way; it works both ways: Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean people aren't after you but, too, just because people are chasing you does not mean you "should" be paranoid; you may have left your change or credit card at the store and the clerk is trying to find you to give it to! One can't know until the person actually interacts with you. "I know they are going to fire me" is a lie; you can't know the future. However, acting like you are going to be fired can, in fact, make that happen but it would be your own actions that helped bring that about, not "they" and theirs. If you feel you are going to be fired, it's not wrong to plan for that but that too, is your decision/action and can influence the future. "Handwriting on the wall" cuts both ways just like paranoia; it can be there or imagined. Living in "now" and waiting for less mistakable proof than feelings and dealing with feelings as they arise works the best for me and my anxiety.