Quote:
Originally Posted by whatbeanbelieved
That doesn't sound messed up (to me), more... complex and difficult to handle. I say this because I'm relating to you on some level because there have been times when I've just been feeling WAY too much to comprehend or express it in one or two words (and indeed, even when I can express it in one or two words, there are usually more than one feelings). So when that happened to me last - in the middle of a full blown panic attack - someone asked me not WHAT I was feeling but WHERE I was feeling it (i.e. where in my body did the emotion seem to be). Which was odd, but ... say fear, for example, I found lived in my chest, like a constricting, scary fist? This is all not necessarily relevant to THIS context >>;;
But in this context, erm - I don't know how a relationship based on pure objectivity would work. Would you be willing to elaborate on how this works for you? 
I'm going to echo what the others have said and say that it seems likely that she was just babbling, wanting to talk and be friendly, and it seems unlikely she's really interested in that aspect.
1. Otherwise: Sometimes, men get... overly personal? And I've found that telling them about my boyfriend (who may or may not be real, just... something I make up on the spot) or in more conservative cases, my "husband" really just... solves that problem. I don't do this often, just... when I feel a little alarmed or threatened. Maybe it's an India thing, I dunno >>;
2. You know? Like... when a little boy's picking on a little girl, somewhere there's... interest? Like sticking gum in someone's hair is a way to get them to notice you? 
3. That's interesting. Potentially alarming (like how would you smell gas in an apartment if that's happening?) but also... interesting (in that... if you've read Harry Potter, what would the love potion smell like to you? Or would there be a different way for it to apply to you? Just... thinking, and really hoping this isn't offensive ) |
According to my T she says that I suffer from a kind of disassociation that is common in those suffering from forms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Really, it can feel like there is a wall between myself and my feelings, because I am not aware of my feelings much of the time. Usually I am kind of monotone in how I feel - the same, expressionless feelings, in a way being numb.
What I meant about objectivity is that I have always thought of relationships as to fulfill a specific role in one’s life, a purpose if you will, or to be about a power struggle, or maybe both.
When I think of a relationship for myself I think of looking at a prospective partner in how her characteristics would be compatible with me and not how others seem to think of whether a person is attractive or not. What is really important to me is to have someone in my life that I can talk to openly and honestly to so I can express some of what’s on my mind lest I implode on myself. Indeed, that is likely the most important aspect of a relationship with anyone for me, because if I can’t express myself to someone, then I have little desire to be close to them.
People have told me such things like confidence being attractive - to me, it is not, it is irrelevant. Confidence has nothing to do with what I desire from a relationship or in someone. If I want someone in my life I can express myself to safely, then whether they are confident or not has nothing to do with that.
On the other end, I have always thought that women wanted men that were rich, successful, and intelligent, the ideal man, for whatever their reason for that. Last year, I was upset because the careers I have decided I would like to pursue aren’t the most lucrative, and I thought that I would be forever alone if I didn’t make enough money to be desirable to women.
Feelings never have factored into my understanding of relationships. I want someone to express myself to and women want men with money. It makes sense in my mind. Nobody has ever told me they liked me for me until I was 20 years old. It would make sense to me if a woman liked me because she wanted money or something from me. It doesn’t make sense for a woman to like me for who I am.
I understand how ridiculous this might seem to others reading it but I have never witnessed relationships that didn’t follow this pattern. I have no idea what a ‘loving’ relationship would look like. In my family, there is no love, and I am not even sure if those in my family that are married like their partners. My own mother only ever seems to care about my personal life and what I have to say when she wants something (money) from me, or at least that is how it seems a lot of the time.
The other aspect of relationships that is prominent in my understanding of them is control. People I know are always controlling their spouses - one is the controller and the other is the controlled. My family is another fine example of this. If you don’t obey the ‘controller’ then it will become violent. Actually, it’s not unlikely that there people have killed each other in my family for control because of the numerous attempts to and the ‘mysterious’ deaths that nobody can really explain.
So I have a hard time understanding ‘feelings’ and relationships. What seems normal to me apparently isn’t.
I appreciate how respectful and understanding you’re being about this, whatbeanbelieved
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1.) So whenever a woman mentions a BF or husband is a negative sign?
2.) lol I am afraid I don’t know that! Sticking gum into someone’s hair would make for an interesting reaction! I don’t think I have ever witnessed that!
3.) It’s fine - but I do have a terrible sense of smell. Makes it easy to do tasks others find distasteful