Okay, I believe that I can now see what it is that you are explaining to us here beloved Dark_heart_x. The negativity of the feelings within all of our experiences regarding the dreaded paranoia. I am often very, very, "insanely" (if you will) paranoid as well just like you and many others here and there.

Because of the fact that I know that it is true that evil exists within the hearts of others. Why? I cannot control others, and I do not control others, rather, never have and never will. It is only my job to control lonely little me. No one else has been given under my authority, except me, who alloweth no evil to enter in and to process within the confines of her innermost chambers, and come out to ultimately harm others. Because of these facts, I can and will only, ultimately, choose to trust myself and God alone.

Therefore, the paranoia that accompanies the fact and the truth that others can and do choose to house evil within the confines of the innermost chambers of their own hearts and souls and mouths, this is what causes me paranoia also.

What to do? I used to drink alcohol, a little here a little there. I was never a drunkard. I only "tipped the teetole" here and there, although on a daily basis I did this. I do this to cope with paranoia no longer. For the last seven months and throughout my entire pregnancies (for nine months each for three full-term pregnancies) I carried my children each their allotted time within my womb, soberly.

It was a bit difficult mentally to not drink during this time. I was forced to learn through abstinence that the paranoia; while uncontrollable upon its arrival into my consciousness, was controllable by me. This has been proven and demonstrated to the outside world around my own self by my reactions to it that affected the world around me. Thusly, I have since learned that paranoia cannot keep me from living a full, productive, safe, and an even WONDERFUL Masterpiece of a life!

I truly hope that you and others who struggle with the reality of the feelings of paranoia and the inability and choice to not trust others with our lives etc. too can some day experience the freedom that I have now found exists in this realization beloved. I know your sufferings. I can literally feel your pain, just thinking about you and all of your lonely trials and all of the injustices that society and the world at large has dealt out to you during all of the days of the years of your lifetime beloved, grieves my heart and soul down to the core, it maketh me disgusted with the evil, yes it does. No amount of reality checking will ever contain the power to overcome this in my life, ever. God willing.

But I love who it is that you are beloved. I know that I am not the only one who does. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband and beautiful children who feel the same about a majestic creature such as yourself Beloved.

You are my sister, my neighbor, my companion, and I want you to know that we can beat this! Beloved, you are wonderful, brilliant, and worthy of happiness. Repeat this. A bazillion million times a google infinity times a day if necessary. I am praying for your deliverance and victory beloved. Yours truly, Lightbulb7