Hi,

I was suppose to be admitted to an Intensive Outpatient Therapy program, my PTSD symptoms were becoming unmanageable and thought the added structure would help, plus they could have provided medication monitoring for the sleep deprivation my T says I have, but the Insurance fell thru..the facility offering the program made a mistake..the facility's intake specialist when I arrived was very cold and I felt humiliated as she tried to cover up their screw up with platitudes of how overworked their screeners are...no apololgy just excuses to cover their butts..left me feeling hopeless and numb..I have been trying so hard to get thru this without seeking institutional help..most are overcroweded mental health assembly lines treating ppl like objects..which is exactly how I felt leaving..

well..I have a group I attend once weekly, but I was feeling very out of sorts after the fiasco at the facility..I did not feel like attending very hurt inside..but I had to return a device back to the Group Therapist..she had loaned it to me to show my Therapist..she needed it back this week to help another patient and I was suppose to return it that afternoon..I felt so bad going there..knew I was reactive did not want to stay..just wanted to return the device and leave..tried to..gave it to the Therapist..told her that I couldnt stay for group..tried to slip out only one other member had arrived since it was early..just was not in a good place to be attending that afternoon..well she saw I was upset and encourgaed me to stay..I kept telling her please no..I was fine..I just needed to go back home..didnt want to be around ppl..and it was alright..but she was really concerned...told me she preferred me not to leave at least for a few minutes..well then other started to arrive..picked up on the issue..suddenly..they were trying so hard to get me to stay and talk it thru..I understand what they were trying to do..understood they are such wonderful and supportive survivors..but I know me..I could not work this thru around ppl..this was somthing I had to work thru myself..but they were trying so hard..then something just snapped..I felt this huge pressure that I could not express..the deep need to runaway, escape, but unable to..I felt such huge conflict....it overwhelmed me completely..I started to rock..and when I tried to talk I had suddenly developed a stutter and a Tic, my head jerks to one side, my eyes act all weird..my shoulder scrunch..The group Therpaist asked me to put an Emergency call into to my T..they talked, she was so concerned..at last she allowed me to go without to much more conference other than being supportive and concerned..as they all expressed..but I knew this state was reactive..no amount of talikng would help it..I needed to self regulate..I just needed to go..I kept telling them..but they are so kind..anyway..I saw my T yesterday..I could not go into work..I was still having episodes of tics and stuttering..when he saw me..he told me I am having an acute stress reaction..

I have never stuttered or had tics..this has been going on since Thursday...and it exacerbates when I start to feel pressure...has anyone gone thur this?..if so, how long does it last..I need to go to work on Monday..what am I suppose to tell them??..what a mess..I think I can work ok..just have to watch the interactions, and I am so embarrased by this, makes me not want to talk..but then there is the jerking..I am scared..sorry about the length of the post..