One of the things I've been working on in therapy is setting limits/boundaries. It's SO hard for me. *sigh*

Whenever someone crosses a boundary, I somehow regress into a cowering state...fearful of hurting someone's feelings, saying "no", etc. I realize that this comes from having a tumultuous past of abuse. But, I am working towards change.

I shed all of the unhealthy relationships in my life - my job, my marriage, my best friend, etc. So, now I need to work on building healthier relationships in my life.

Now, my former best friend is the person who tried to run me over (suffers from BPD)....so my radar is on high gear every time I meet someone new. I am trying to sniff out those tendencies because I am fearful of getting into another friendship that I won't have the courage to get out of. T wants me to give people a chance and to set limits along the way.

Last spring, I started exercising with the mom of one of my daughter's friends. Shortly after, we started to hang out on a regular basis....and my BPD-radar was on high alert. There were signs - BIG signs....explosive personality, controlling, emotionally sensitive, manipulative, high expectations...if she didn't hear from me in a day or two, she got mad....etc. I ended that friendship.

Recently, I became closer with one person that I've known for about 3 years. We have a great time together....but the attachment, dependency issues are surfacing. We had plans over the weekend that we were preparing for - so I spent a lot of time there over 3 days. Yesterday, I wasn't at her house....and by today, I had gotten 3 voicemails, an email and a FB message - first it was - "You're my new BFF now. I was surprised that you didn't come over today! I miss you!"....then, it was, "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?"

I was suffering from a severe migraine (still am), so I didn't get back to her until this afternoon (only 1-1/2 days since I saw her last).

I am getting those vibes again....dependency, neediness...and I am struggling. We get along great, and we have a great time together - BUT I cannot have another person in my life with high expectations of me dropping everything to be there for her every day.

When addressing the plans for the organization that she runs, I told her that it has to be a hobby for me - that I can't commit to frequent gatherings because I need to have balance in my life. I need to focus on my daughter, getting a full time job, etc.

I am not sure she understands it just yet. When we talked on the phone this afternoon, she was wondering what I was up to tonight....and tomorrow.....I don't want another friendship where I have to tell her where I am just to justify why I'm not at her house.

*sigh*

Is this normal for friendships? Or is it just me? Here I am thinking, OH NO, not another one.

T would tell me that this is an opportunity to set limits early in the friendship. I am trying. And it's hard....but it has left me feeling quite fearful of venturing out into the world to meet new people, because this seems to keep happening. Why is it that I always find the ones that have these issues?