so i've been processing the events of last night about a girl i've recently be hanging out with. today i went to my favorite spot: a bench overlooking the lake, and sat down to contemplate...

well i found some clarity. now i think throughout my history with women i've had an issue with intensity. when i like a girl, it's like i want everything now. i want the deep serious connection. i want her to be my valentine right off the bat. i'm well aware this would scare a girl away. but once i like a girl, it becomes difficult for me to proceed without some serious expectations. i want them to like me, and i want to have sex, and i want to share myself, and i want to feel alive, with a woman... and i want it now!

i fantasize about having the joys a relationship might bring. i fantasize about having discussions where i bare myself. i fantasize about a loving relationship. i think this fantasizing is just fantasy. but could this be coming into play?

today i was clear with myself. i'm getting to know this girl, and it's got to come slow. i got to let this breath. it's like, i can't bring all my baggage into this. nor should i want to, right? i can't expect a deep, serious, (phsyical, emotional, spiritual) connection right off the bat. my expectations are much, much, much to high. sometimes I can't really look them in the eye, or hold a conversation. could this be expectations messing with me? this could be just nerves. it's like i'm more confident than this... and i know it. i think with the right understanding here i can relax. do you think managing my expectations will help me relax. i hope it will!

i want to proceed like this: (my expectations) today i want to laugh. today i want to have fun. today i want to forget my problems. i can't expect, like a lightning strike, deeply serious vibes, nor do i want to bring that into this arena. how does that sound for managing expectations?

i'm learning how to be light around women i like, and i'm doing a good job. i'm aware this won't all happen in a couple of times after hanging out. but i want her, and i want to be relaxed, and proceed the right way.