hi guys, i need some advice as i cannot figure out what i need... or i dont want to face the facts.

Guy A
i have been dating a wonderful guy, A, for 2 years. he is very good to me, but he is a normal person with his own hobbies and friends, and i have been giving him hell every so often with my paranoid jealousy and demand for his undivided time and attention. The past week was bad, i picked a quarrel with him almost daily, and we almost broke up (my initiation).

Of cos I realised that a big mistake i was making, and I asked for a reconciliation, that I now know I have BDP and I am gonna make changes. He agreed, but wanted a week's break, asked me to leave him alone this period cos it has been too tense and negative.

Today is only the second day of the break, and I am in so much pain. I wondered why would someone who loves me be able to stop all contact with me? I msged him and he assured me that he doesnt intend to break up, but he needs time alone.

I love him a lot, and I want to change for him. But a part of me is in a lot of fear. I am 36 and soon I wont be able to have kids, and everyone time I act out, he goes further and further from me. I want to settle down with him, but he is so scared of my condition.

Guy B
My ex hubby, B, is a very easy going guy who gave in to me on everything. Everything. I had no insecurity with him, he is very generous to me, and I wasnt even aware I had BPD when I was with him. I ruined everything when I had an affair after 6 years of marriage and I insulted him, said he is too boring for me.

4 years after our divorce, he is still hoping to patch back with me, still helping me in things and sending me gifts. I appreciate him so much now, I can see what i did wrong, but the problem is I dont feel any romantic feeling for him. I cant imagine myself being intimate with him. I love him as a friend, someone I can count on.

So now I am wondering - should i give up trying to improve my condition to be with A, and instead be in a sexless relationship with B? With B I wont have any issues with BPD, cos he can tolerate me. I know that I need love from B and that I dont love him, but if he is ok with being just companions, should i do it?

thanks for your advice, i am so confused. and i feel so selfish even asking this.