So, I'm thinking about emailing my step-mom (because I don't know if my dad even has an email, and I don't know his address). Hoping it sounds okay, but if anyone has any suggestions it would be much appreciated.

Hey Karen,

I know we had talked before, and you wanted to help fix the issues between me and my dad, and I know I wasn't very receptive to the idea at the time. I think I'm getting to the point where I want to try, but there are some things that I think you both should know, because until it is out in the open, I don't think I can try to have that relationship.

First off, I have been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist because, come to find out, I have Bipolar. I have been started on medication, although my psychiatrist and I are still working on finding out what combination is going to help. That really isn't paramount to fixing the relationship, but I thought you should know because maybe you can get my dad to at least think about going to see someone, because it can be genetic. That could really help his relationships with everyone else as well, just something for you to think about.

To the real issue. While I lived with you, there are some things that happened that affected me more than you will probably ever know. It has taken a long time for me to even start to come to terms with it, let alone be able to talk about. My girlfriend is really the only person that I have confided in, and I haven't really even been able to talk to my therapist about it yet.

The summer before we moved to South Beloit, while I was delivering every night for my dad, some things happened. I was repeatedly raped, sometimes two or three times a week. For a long time I have blamed not only myself, but you and dad as well. I know that I hid it from you, and tried to act like everything was okay, but I blamed you none the less. I blamed you both for letting me deliver, and I blamed you both for not knowing. I know that there was really no way for you to know, because I hid it from you, but I blamed you none the less. I wanted so bad for you to ask what was wrong, to ask if I was okay, and you never did, and that hurt. It hurt real bad. It was irrational of me to blame you, to expect you to know what was wrong, but I did. I expected my daddy to come rescue me and he never did. My knight in shining armor never came. That created a rift that I couldn't bridge, at least not alone.

I'm not telling you this because I expect him to come rescue me now, it's too late for that. I'm telling you because I can't handle having a relationship with you guys again knowing that is hanging between us, and you both not knowing. I never could tell you back then, for so many reasons. I thought that if I said something, it would ruin dad's job, and that he would blame me for that. I also thought that if I said anything that I would be blamed for it, that it would be said that it was my fault it happened. I still blame myself for it happening, honestly. If I would have fought back a little harder, if I wouldn't have eventually just given up and let him do it, it might not have happened.

Like I said, I've told you all of this because I don't think I can rekindle the relationship with that on my shoulders and you guys still not knowing. If you still want to try to fix what went wrong, you can let me know, when you're ready. I know it can take a while to process, I know it has for me, so don't feel like you have to say anything right away. If it is too much for you to handle, and you don't want to reply at all, I'll understand.