Reality is reality and the reality is, it doesn't matter what you say, I'm an active alcoholic AND a drug addict (don't forget that little tid-bit), and that's all I am.
I mean, yeah, people can say "Get help". Well, I don't have the funds for it. "Go to AA". You think a bunch of alcoholic sob stories are going to move me to sobriety? Not likely.
I've been on drugs since I was 14. I'm pushing 40 now. Yeah, I'm into Valium now, but it's hardly harmless.
I guess, my point is, what is there left for those of us who can't afford treatment, those of us who have multiple addictions, those of us whose "support base" is either family members who are closet alcoholics or "friends" who would drop us like last season's trend if they knew? What's left? AA. or NA both are just as much breeding grounds for new drinking buddies/drug connections as is any bar or tattoo parlor.
I mean, really, when you are poor and and addict, your family is f'd up and you have no real friends, feeling extremely vulnerable and still using even when you wake up and say "today is the first day I don't use" which I have the last 2 weeks. What do you do?
I'm not the only one who has felt like this. I'm not the only one who has been there, but I sure as hell feel like it. And don't give me that man crap. It's different when you can tell someone you know and trust and care about face to face "I'm an alcoholic" than it is when you have to be completetely in the closet about it to everyone. There is a difference when you have the self esteem to think you deserve better as opposed to when you think "no one else cares, why should I?" There is a difference when you add drugs to the equation.
I'm not saying it was easy for you. I know it wasn't but we are not in the same place right now, and we probably never were, and gender has nothing to do with it. You can be compassionate or you can be arrogant. That's *your* choice. I can't be sober with a glib or judgmental comment.
What did you do to get sober? Did you just smack yourself in the head one day? How much money did it cost you to be sober? Did it occur to you that you're lucky to have had what it took? How addicted were you and to how many substances? What was it like having *anyone* to confide in? Was it nice? I'm sure it was.
Forgive me if I sound angry, but you should know better being an addict, especially if you really are an addict, you are vulnerable to a relapse, and you could be in my position regardless of your gender.