Canis Lupus - Like you, I have struggled with the great question of: "Why should I go on living?" I even struggle with suicidal ideation. Also, I have been influenced by reading Nietzsche - a very long time ago. I will not offer you "faith" based reasons. I am, by nature (not by choice), a skeptic. Like you, I am not convinced, but asking this question of myself every day - sometimes despairing of finding, and being convinced by, a compelling reason/goal. Then, from time to time, I know that I am important and that what becomes of me is important. My goal is to be what I can best be. Here are some things that inspire me.

#1) Have you watched the movie, Amistad (Steven Speilberg.) There is a scene where the African slave, captured and now in chains, says that what becomes of him is important - because: "I am the reason that my ancestors lived." (my paraphrase, but close I'm sure.) This profoundly affected me. Like the slave, Sengbe, I am proud of my ancestors. I do not believe I am descended from stupid people. I do not believe that what I have received from them is of no value, even if I no longer worship exactly as they did. They did not believe exactly as their distant ancestors believed. Generation after generation, over centuries . . . milennia, even . . . we have reconstructed what is of worth to believe in. What tradition of belief that I have received from them is my patrimony. I will not discard my patrimony . . . my legacy from my ancestors. I will not "throw babies out with bath water." But taking what they understood, I will build on it . . . and reconstruct what is worth believing in, as they did before me. They are dead and may be only ashes now. But I exist because they were. I refuse to believe that the story of their struggle over generations was in vain.

Though they are gone . . . my parents, grandparents . . . and generations more . . . buried, I am the residue of their having lived. My life, both physically, and the life of my mind, is the distillation of their having been, their having struggled, their having know victory and defeat, their having been discouraged and having fallen into vice, their having been inspired and having risen to nobility. I am the "Sengbe" of my lineage. They are gone. I am what is left of their having been here. What becomes of me is important. Why? It is important because of all that had to occur in order for me to be here . . . in order for me to be.

This is not an appeal to your logic. I don't know how you feel about your forefathers, and foremothers. I don't know if you are proud of your ancestry. Regardless - consider the story of the slaves who traveled on the ship, Amistad, and the character of Sengbe - a man about whom, I think, Nietzsche would say, "Indeed, here was a man who knew . . . why." Go to YouTube and view fragments of the film: In the clip above, though, grammatically, his words sound like a plea, his words rise above the level of supplication to proud declaration.

Scanning the full movie an YouTube, I found the exact words that so arrested my attention and that I, too, can apply to my search for meaning:

"I meant my ancestors.
I will call into the past . . . far back to the beginning of time.
I will reach back and beg them to come and help me . . . at the judgement.
I will reach back and draw them into me and they must come.
For, at this moment, I am the whole reason they have existed at all." Words of Singbe. We can ask why, but, ultimately, we must - each of us - DECLARE why. The answer to your query gets born within you from the convictions you arrive at - or else, you go on with no answer. Perhaps, Singbe can inspire you.

#2) I think I've gone on long enough.