I think there's a big difference between maintaining "boundaries" and clarifying time availability and expectations and interests in social interaction. Like, a huge difference. Someone railing against boundaries is calling you when you've asked not to be contacted, or asking you to do what you've already said you don't want to do, or insisting that you should hang out with them when you've already stated you need some alone time. People calling or emailing or whatever asking to spend time with you isn't the same, at least to me. I think that people can ask all they want, especially if they don't mind me repeatedly turning them down.

I think that if you want satisfying and healthy relationships, whether they are social or whether they are romantic, then you have to do some work getting into the groove with potential friends/mates. The perfect person doesn't automatically emerge whose interests and availability fit into your life seamlessly.

Like always, context is important. I find when I'm feeling like everyone in my life is being pushy to spend time with me and I am withdrawing, it might make sense for me to look and see how I push people away. If I'm feeling like people are ignoring me and I'm feeling rejected, it also seems unlikely that my H and my various friends from various walks of life are all colluding when they don't really know each other to reject me, so my own behavior deserves some introspective attention. After all, I am the only one that can do anything about any given situation, so if I can find something that I can change or see differently, then I have learned something useful that will help me in the future. Finding other people as the problem in a situation that makes me uncomfortable does very little to help me figure out how to have more satisfying relationships.