Thank you thank you guys sooo much!

Christina, I love you beautiful women! I know what you would do if you could, me too for you, no doubts at all, thank you.

DH and Blue I will try those methods out when I get back on track. Thank you both for that. Will not go to waste, promise. I have to admit that at the moment I am having trouble with comprehension, just soft brains right now.

IZ , I love you, you always seem to tie me a little closer to the ground somehow.

Well, I guess a public meltdown was totally in order. No better place for that than the hardware store right? But I dunno maybe it was good, because I try to keep my stuff to myself, and that is near impossible to deny when you are having a crazy meltdown in the middle of the store brought on by looking at paint. And a good place because I love hardware stores, they are a place I have always felt very comfortable in. I suppose at least now my bf knows how not ok I am doing, not very good at communicating that one. .........

See IZ, we all do it, I have many many times.

I feel a little better, maybe a little cathartic release in the presence of hammers and nails, lighting, all things that stand for new, building, strengthening, tethering....

We had a long summer too, just thinking about that, indian summer and then bam we got the cold fall instantly, no gradual build up. I never do very well with out time for transition in anything really.

I think I will be ok. what would I do with you all.... Ya I remeber, wasnt so good at all. I appreciate each one of you,brain is just a little mushy right now.. OMG it would be very bad indeed. I never feel totally alone anymore... I am gonna cry.