Hamster, I know this... but my point is insecurities send my fragile brain to this place where I'm not good enough, or hate my body. I get compliments from men and women on my breasts. Even get questioned if they're real. But when I see my bf's eyes drift or he mentions someone has great rack, he doesn't say this to me about my body, and I start thinking I need a lift and may as well get implants as well. It's a spiral it's not healthy thinking.

I am with the wrong man. He doesn't compliment me, he's not romantic. He's 6'3 and getting a belly and gray hair, but he comments on my weight. My first husband use to tell me I could grow as big as a house and he'd still love me, love me more even cuz there would be more to love. And he is a smallish man, we used to share jeans when we were young hippies. I miss that.

There's this Asian guy down at the store near me and I love talking to him and I have a little crush. We talked about tea yesterday and he has this great smile. But he's like my height and probably weighs a lot less than me. This makes me wish even more I was a tiny girl. I don't think he'd go out with me. I think he just talks to be nice.

Anyway I'm not doing so well, things don't feel real right, everything feels so uncertain now and I'm kinda losing it, so I'm not making sense. But this world is all messed up, I mourn for it, I weep for it. I would cut off these C cup titties and throw them at news cameras, here have your piece of meat, a matching pair. I would do that if it would help anyone get their priorities straight, but really it would just get me a straight jacket.

Guys who look at little girls, guys who make a woman feel bad about her body to control her, can s.uck my big toe while I kick them in the face. Sorry for the anger, I'm not doing so well right now. I have that appraiser finally coming to inspect the house today, I tried to finish what the ex had been doing to fix up, but it's not done. Work is uncertain, I'm not sure if I can keep working, phone with IRS for an hour. I'm a horrible ball of stress right now.

Hamster, you deserve to find a wonderful man who is kind and sees your beauty inside and out. If he doesn't like how you look right now, he is not the right man. Don't get stuck in something like I am right now.