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This is more for me to just get out my frustration than anything else
After my latest, horrid breakup, I have realized that I don't want to be in a relationship. Love hurts, love stinks. I was madly in love and lost it all, making me feel like I had lost my whole life since we had it all planned out. I was ready to start my life with her, of course that didn't happen. So here is why I DON'T want to be in a relationship ever.

1. No one is her - she was unique. She was everything I could ever ask for. As hard as I have tried to picture my life without her, I can't. It has been seven months now and no change. I don't even feel attracted to anyone anymore.

2. Relationships hurt - I am tired of pain. Relationships can bring you the best happiness but the worst pain. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I have had enough.

3. Lies and dishonesty - Why can't we be honest with each other? Why do people in relationships say they are in love, and then lie to each other's face every day? Why is it NORMAL to go out and flirt with other people while in a relationship or married? Why am I NOT normal because that bothers me? Why am I labeled as unsecured, paranoid, or even controlling because I don't flirt with others when I am in a committed relationship yet everyone I have been with has done it to me?

4. What is love? - Does anyone know anymore? I feel like I do. I am still in love with someone I can't be with, but she doesn't feel the same. Why can't I move on and she can? If we were both so in love wouldn't we both be struggling? Or is it me. Am I just crazy.

5. I AM different - I am a bit crazy. Crazy is out of the ordinary, clearly I am out of the ordinary. Couples seem to be fine with playfully flirting with other people, going to places alone with the opposite sex, and things of that nature. I see love as being different. I see it as a commitment, a partnership. You are partners in life, right? So why is it when you both get off work you would rather go see your friends than spend time together? I will never find someone like me. My ex was close, but even she was normal in regards to flirting and having a lot of guy friends. I just bit my tongue, but it hurt.

No one seems to be like me. So why even try? Why put myself in that misery and grief when I am still in love with someone else? What's the point if it only leads to heartache? What is the point in anything anymore? Life isn't meant to live it alone. Right? Am I really the only one who feels this way? Am I really that odd, and insecure? I can be confident about a lot of things, but not relationships. Not when abandonment comes into play. Thanks for reading...