I have many a rough patch with my parents. They treat me differently. I ruined mums life she told me. She was 16 and smart and had the world at her feet, then I ruined it all. She's 33 and never had a job, lost her friends, stays at home everyday while my dad works. I think she resents me. But I don't think she realises the way she is.

My depression is the reason I dropped out of 6th form college. I feel like I'm losing my friends too. I have an amazing job I a so lucky to have which totally turned it around, but I sometimes feel as if I've made the wrong choices when my parents hate the choices I have made and want me back in education even though the job I have most people could of gone to uni to get a job in publishing.

They tell me I just use it as an excuse for everything. Which is contradictory as they didn't know I had depression until they were called to a&e in October 2011.

I don't think they initially caused it as such, I know they have made it worse. And made me feel worse because over their reactions and What they say. Sometimes I think that I hate them, because they don't even try to understand they think they know, and make it worse.

I don't know why it's come back. I was took off of my depression healthcare, my meds my cbt... it's out of nowhere and it seems the same. I don't want it to interfere as I've not had it at my new job and now it's back I always am terrible and will be rubbish they'll sack me for being a zombie.

I'm happy, or at least I thought I was, but always sad at the same time. Like constantly in the background. I still don't know how.

To top it all off I've had an allergic reaction to some new shampoo which has never happened before and my whole head is like an open wound sore and weeping. And my sister has given me a cold. I just want to cry. I'm living at home, me and my boyfriend are saving up for a mortgage he's 21 soon so wants to get ready to go, I just want ought asap, wish either that or they'd ignore me. I let depression control my life and now I'm never going to go to university, never going to local in the city and be that top business woman I dreamed of, I'm never going to do What I wanted because I let it tell Ms I couldnt.

I'm just overwhelmed I want the depression to go. It wasn't welcome 2 years ago and still not now.
I wish people would stop looking down their noses at me and acting like I'm nothing and don't matter. I just want to feel like I'm cared about.

Basically it's back and I am realizing it controls me too much and I've let it ruin my life, just like I ruined mums. I hate to think she feels that way about me.