Because it's comforting. Because it's safe. Because it feels good.

But I feel like if I bring it up then she might rethink it and stop doing it. I think she is very cautious with me regarding touch (which is why she is sticking to the danger free foot zone) because of the way I reacted last time when she sat next to me and put her hands on my head. I was stiff and was mostly holding my breath. And a few weeks later when I was mad at her I sent a mean e-mail saying I wished I had never let her touch me because I don't let anyone touch me and she was a liar. She didn't touch me for weeks after that.

I don't think T's are in the business of "I know what you want and you can't have it", but if I played armchair psychologist I would ask, so who in your life has wanted to take things away from you once they knew you wanted them?

I think your T probably already knows it feels good to you because you didn't go all stiff or kick her in the face or what not. Unless you acted like Meg Ryan eating something indescribably delicious in "When Harry Met Sally" (sorry, you are probably way too young to know about that movie), I think you are okay.

I think it would be a good experience for you to tell your T that she did something that felt good and helped you feel connected. It would be good for you to know that not everyone will try to take the good things away from you if you say you want them.

It's kind of a silly reference, but when I was pregnant there were various peoples that wanted to give me a baby shower. I explained that Jews don't do baby showers, honoring the tradition of the old country "evil eye" that makes women afraid that if they fill their houses with baby items, that the evil eye spirit will make them miscarry because they will know they are expecting. (apparently the evil eye does not see well enough to notice the expanding belly & behind of pregnancy, but never mind about logic, 'kay?).

My friends, including my jewish friends, thought I was nuts, partly because I am not religious at all. Looking back, I wish I had not let one second of my joy of expecting the only baby I will ever have be spoiled by fear. So I say let yourself experience the good feelings, share them with your T, and try to let go of making choices based at least in part on fear.