So I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now... we have lived together for the past 6 months. (Quick, I know - but these are the decisions I make). There is a 9 year age difference (he is older), and he has a 12 year old son that stays with us from time to time.

We have already had our fair share in challenges for year one. We met when I lived in Maryland & he lived in NYC and for several months I would drive up to NY every weekend to see him and then drive back to my full time job & full time school. I was already in regular therapy and on medication for my issues (bipolar, anxiety, add..etc). I would say that I can pull off a pretty "normal" front... it wasnt very long into our getting to know eachother that I explained that I had very severe anxiety. He didnt really understand what anxiety really was... I explained the best I could, but its hard to explain the psychosis part without getting a bulging eye look....

Anyhow, the past few months of living together have been great in so many ways.. The good days are amazing, but the bad days are really bad. He has a bit of a temper.. not violent or abusive but get really loud really quick. Also, he has a lack of empathy for those with emotional issues... he doesnt really understand what these conditions are and doesnt seem all that interested to find out about them.

I'm still on medication... but my anxiety has gone up and I have had to make several changes with them. I get moody very easily still, and he doesnt have to do much to piss me off...which usually puts me into silence mode for hours. Not a good way to deal, I know, but for fear of saying something I will regret - I try not to say anything. I have tried to explain to him how my thought process works... the imaginative ideas... the daydreams that I think are real and that give me anxiety to the point that I will have panic attacks. He doesnt have much of a reaction, maybe he has doubts about that reality?

I just dont know how to get him involved and interested. I want him to care about what my mind does to me sometimes and how hard I try to control things.. but I wish he would learn how to be more of a support system and maybe learn about my conditions so that he could help me snap me out of it or make me not feel so alone at times.

When I'm silent, upset/crying... he is just quiet and ignores me for the most part. Doesnt ask questions... sometimes I'm not even sure if he cares or is interested? Or maybe he is scared to ask... I had to force him to read an article on bipolar recently... I was having a terrible panic attack/anxiety/depression day and I was just desperate for someone to understand. He is like a best friend to me most of the time, so its hard that he cant help me during my lowest lows.

He has never been the one to go out of his way or making extra effort for me. I am a naturally overly-generous type of person... I buy him nice shoes and clothes all the time. I bought his son custom shoes, his mom flowers, his dad a smartphone, and we are saving a downpayment for me to get a motorcycle...mainly for him to use.

^^ not everyone would agree with me doing all of this... but this is how I have always been. In every relationship, friendship..with family or whatever. I cant help it although I have definitely tamed myself as I used to spend ridiculous amounts of money each month on gifts to the point where I was so in debt I would have to take out personal loans to eat every day. So I cant say I havent improved.

I guess I wish that sometimes he would think about me in general and buy me flowers or plan something special for us to do. He is definitely not much of a romantic, more of a comedian (which I enjoy very much) but I do miss feeling like someone was as crazy about me and wanted as much happiness for me as I do for them. I have talked to him about this multiple times and he constantly stresses that he has changed so much and that he DOES try but these things dont come naturally to him since he has never really been this close to any female before. I have to give him credit.. he definitely spends almost all of his time with me which I know for a fact wasnt the case in his other relationships.

But still... how do I make him care? or think of me? or want to be involved?

These are things I mull over every day. I absolutely love him, but I do sometimes feel like I am making ginormous efforts to make our relationship a happy one.. and that he is going along but not really going above and beyond. I am more dedicated to keeping my emotions in check and staying steady on medications with him because from my past I know how badly bipolar can ruin a relationship... but sometimes I think that I do ALL of the apologizing and all of the work and that maybe he doesnt feel like he needs to because he knows I have all of these issues? Or am I just overthinking?

I dont know... I have had very few decent relationships... I really want this one to work.

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