Same with me. Recently I said to someone that relationships are the equivalent to emotional self-harm. Being active with causes and organizations I believe in definitely helps, but it does not, nor can it, fill the void of having an emotional connection to someone. At the end of the day, I am still alone talking to myself for some conversation, and after many years it can become difficult to deal with, but at the same time all the deception, lies, and pain can make it feel like women aren’t worth it and that I am forced to pick the lesser of the two evils, like the OP is talking about I think.