Determined,
I so understand what you mean about parents. The caller ID is great. Even if you feel obligated to talk to parents, you can still do it on your terms. I rarely pick up when parents call and I decide when to call them back... usually the next day when they are sober. Parents here do payback a lot, but I'm still more prepared because I call back when I am feeling ready, not because I didn't realize and ended up answering the phone to their voices. When that happens, there is no preparation time and it never has a chance to go well for me.

As far as visiting. I can understand if that includes internal conflict as well. Parents here do not live close, but they often do surprise "visits". I have driven up the road and seen their vehicle in the driveway and panicked. When that happens, if I can, I drive around the block and try to breathe and prepare myself mentally. It's usually still pretty bad, but at least defenses are armed and ready to protect.

Sorry I don't have answers to keep them away, but hope this helps until you figure out a way to keep them at a good distance.

Please take care