Hi Jennifer,
It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry you are struggling right now.

I tend to hover on the denial side as much as possible, though I am finally making strides to accept. I've gone so long pushing the noise to the back of my head when I can, that now, it's hard to make myself try to listen to what's going on. I think it's wonderful that you are trying to listen to parts, even if not 100% of the time.

It sounds like you have a supportive T and I'm so glad. While this is not a fun thing to deal with, DID makes perfect sense because of what a child was made to endure. It was simply a survival technique. Our brains had no control over doing it or not doing it. Our brains are about doing what it takes to survive. This is simply carried on as adults; our brains have been programmed to do this every time it feels the need to protect.

I never even knew what was going on as my dissociation was so great that even when I was aware of where I was, I wasn't aware of the time passing or days passing. I just kind of went on my merry way from where I landed. It never really came to my mind of what happened to yesterday, etc. I'm not sure why. I guess because it just always was or maybe it was that my awareness was just so nonexistent.

I wish I had some great answers to give you. I think you are doing great though and I think that the all or nothing approach is pretty normal sometimes.

Best of luck to you on your journey to healing.