wow eskie, i hear a lot of similarities with my life, however i didn't have the shock of losing my job.
That's the big one right there and really needs special treatment. His self esteem is greatly threatened right now.
I would suggest he get treatment for add and you realize he does not use add as an excuse not to do things, at least i don't, but spouses tend to look at it that way.
It's no different than telling someone to stop staying in bed all day, snap out of that depression...it doesn't work.
ADD symptoms are very ingrained into a persons mind and are truly not recognized by the afflicted person.
Marriage counselling would be helpful also, as it is helping me.