Thanks you all, I will keep trying.

For me, color must be for feeling something different inside. Like happy. Or at least at peace or something. I don't know. I just don't feel like I can wear color. I want to. But the second I put on color I freak out and have to take it off. I guess it doesn't really make sense and is silly. I love seeing other people in color. It makes me see them as happy or peaceful or something other than the feeling of sad and hopeless and the feeling of wanting to disappear that I feel inside. I really do want to try to change. I just don't think I'm there yet. When I looked in the mirror when I was shopping I couldn't even recognize myself in color. It was like looking at a stranger. I have no idea who that person was. It was not me. Not because I didn't like the clothes. Not because I didn't like the style. I just couldn't see myself because there was color there. It was horrible and I had to get rid of it and get back to where I could at least recognize myself. Seeing myself in the mirror in color was like looking in the mirror and being reminded that I was not really happy, I was just pretending I was. I was just a big fake. And being a fake was just a reminder that I was a failure at so many things. While my husband is supportive, this constant depression is a drain on him and he would appreciate it if I would just change. You know how it goes...a lot of negative talk up in my head. And that just set off a big panic attack and I just wanted out of there. Lots of tears. I didn't feel better. I felt worse. Ugh. The color had to go. I'm not making any sense. I'm sorry.

Anyway. I like the nail polish suggestion. I guess that doesn't sound quite as scary to me as wearing a whole entire shirt or sweater. I will try that. Thank you all for trying to understand and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you all. <3