I am so sorry all of this happened too you. When a child is forced to have sex at 12 there are all sorts of repercussions that takes an awfully long time to resolve. I was raped by a 21 year old when I was 14. I was so screwed up after that, off and on promiscuous, pregnant at 17, married to the guy who "knocked me up" at 20 and divorced 4 years later.

It is little wonder that you feel the way you do. I am glad you received some counseling in the past. It would be good if you could continue again. Ther are so many issues and feelings that arise

The important thing to remember that none of this is your fault. At 12 you were a child and totally vulnerable. Obviously the adults in your home were oblivious to what was going on under their noses. Protecting everyone in their home was their responsibility

You may feel guilty about reporting the sex abuse to the hospital therapist, but you should not, ever think yourself at fault. I hope that now you can forgive yourself. You were not the perpetrator but the victim. Give yourself permission to heal and good luck on your journey.