If that is the case, then a perspective change is needed.

This is slow process and does not happen overnight. It will test you because it tests who you already identify with. Basically, you have to work on "self-love" and forcing yourself to endure anxiety in small exercises.

For instance, I have had body issues for a long time. (I still do, but it isn't as bad.) I picked fat, wore huge clothes to hide my fat and would make comments about my weight all the time. I'm an average size. I spent a lot of time in front of a mirror. I felt very uncomfortable because I felt huge. (I'd gained 10 lbs over a summer.) I did this exercise for a few months before I could identify with my own reflection. I'm lousy with losing weight, but I've been able to maintain and still identify with my reflection without believing I was this huge monster. About a year later I even managed to go shopping for clothes that fit and looked dressy.

I did something similar for negative thoughts. I used to be very pessimistic. I was unable to look at the light of anything and would often make grotesque unnecessary comments. The biggest thing that has helped me change through the past 4-5 years was identifying a negative thought.

http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org...ht-records.htm

Here's a general list of things you can do about negative thoughts. Sometimes it helps me to talk about the negative thought with someone so they can help me see why the situation wasn't that bad.

Even today, I still struggle with negative thoughts on occasion. The anxiety from those negative thoughts can be overwhelming when I try to fight them, so I don't do it all the time. That doesn't mean I didn't win, it just means I have negative thoughts and I'm emotional. I'm fine with being emotional and I'm fine with asking for help.

I think if you work with your husband, he can help you overcome the thought pattern. I will tell you, though, it is not easy and you will not see a change overnight.

I also have to add that you should try to re-frame the clothes issue. Yes, you weren't comfortable in the color, but YES, YOU WORE IT! Since you're one day hoping to achieve 'happiness' (because its subjective) again, it means you took a step in the right direction. "I can't identify myself wearing color now, but I will try again as I work on self-esteem"