Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellion
I understand people want to be re-assuring but sometimes its as though none of them understand for some of us the pain is not going to end and its not going to get better. It's done, gone and dead I just feel strange sometimes like I am here but people are trying to bring back some corpse deep inside me instead because maybe that was a happier person than the current one I am.........well its dead quit poking it with a stick. Hopefully that kinda makes sense.
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I love how you likened your happier self to a corpse everyone's trying to get resurrected. I often feel the same, and I appreciate the imagery.
Quote:
Originally Posted by whenwillitend
Thank you!!! That is exactly what I was trying to say! You worded it much better though.
I'm not sitting here waiting for things to magically get better. I'm not passive. But so far, all my attempts to change things (and my husbands) have failed. I'm tired of kicking, I just want to sink and drown.
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I'm so with you. One of the things that can be bothersome about forums--or any online social avenue--is what "we" are trying to convey doesn't always come thru. I knew immediately what you meant, and ppl often assume we're not trying hard enough. Well, I say **** them. They don't live in my head, inside my body. I'm tired of explaining/defending myself. But more than that I'm like you, and Hellion and many others; I am SICK of all the action, all the tools I use, and inevitably fall. And it's not me being DebbieDowner. It's literally, something else comes up physical that's wrong, etc. etc. Sometimes I wish I could die from depression---that if I laid in bed long enough I'd finally cease to be. Sorry if that was morbid, but it feels often like I'm merely taking up space. I feel as if I'm kind of floating around in the atmosphere with no hope or goals or whatever to grab onto.
