I'm not really sure where I should post this..... hope this place is OK..... thought since it has to do with my paranoid traits I'd put it here.

This is hard as I'm very private and fearful of exposing anything about how I think or feel....... but here goes.....

I've been in therapy for over 2 years and just recently my hubby is going seperate from me, to see the same therapist--- he's been drinking to the point of passing out, almost nightly and has some VERY big changes coming up in his career, of which are making him anxious and stressed.

The thing is..... I feel more anxious now that hubby is seeing my therapist........ my paranoia is trying to take over.... I'm fighting it, and I could really use some outside opinion. My mind is thinking things like......."my therapist and hubby could be plotting something against me... like making me look really bad and I'm not there to defend myself". What if they want me to seem more ill than I am?? I worry and then start to question if maybe this is the time for me to quit going to therapy?? I just want to be safe.... and all my life I've only had me to keep ME safe.

I'm stressed and worry about going ... I've scheduled my next appointment 4 weeks from my last one, I'm so leery of going...

Sometimes I have a hard time knowing if my feelings are justified feelings or if it's mostly paranoia....... I can't tell?????

My T. seems to really want to help me and my hubby .... but...... there's this big wall of doubt that I'm having a hard time getting around....

I'm thinking that maybe I feel trapped in places that perhaps really AREN'T traps..... I'm questioning so much lately..... it's just I don't know what's really real sometimes....... which can be so frustrating and scary!

My T. said that reality can many times, be subjective-- which has left me feeling more confused and lost than ever!!!! Is everyone's reality different??? How can I know if what I perceive as real-- IS real?? Is there not an absolute reality??? the true reality? so confused.... and frustrated!

To anyone that read this.... thank you.
mandy