So I have a full time job as an office manager...glorified title for cashier/receptionist/customer service rep. At the moment I'm absolutely losing my mind. I have that ball in my throat when your ready to cry and you're choking it back. My stomach is in knots and I don't know what to do. My heart is racing like crazy im sweating and shaking but it's too soon to take my klonopin. And I don't have a crisis med. I'm feeling like I'm beyond my breaking point today and I just want to give up. Not die, just disappear until my brain starts firing the way it should as if I was a normal human being. I can't stand being sick anymore. I need help. I have a t and a pdoc, finally a new one that actually listens to me. But I don't know that I have the complete right diagnoses and I want to. I want to know what's wrong with me so I can calm down a little and not feel so freaking crazy all the time because at least then I'll know what's going on.
I would give just about anything to curl up in a ball and cry this throat ball out until I fall asleep. And wake up feeling better and refreshed. I don't know tat taking this job was a good idea. I'm starting to regret it. It at the least helps my depression a little by forcing me outta bed Monday through Friday but it's not enough when I'm panicking and crying and just down for no good reason.

Sorry for the rant, I needed to get it out in a healthy manner.
Kelly