Today is just one of those days where I just wish I could stay in bed all day. I woke up with a full blown cold, so I am feeling miserable physically and I am still feeling miserable mentally. I have been trying to get into an Intensive Outpatient Program here where I live but it is out of network for my insurance. So I have been working with my insurance who says that they will make a single case agreement if the place calls and makes the arrangements. But the place won't call and make the arrangements, they want the insurance company to call and set it up ahead of time. So I am having to be the go between person trying to explain to each of the people I am speaking with the postion of the other person as to why the other won't call and make the arrangements meanwhile I am fighting for my life to try to get into this damn program so that I can get a damn therapist and psychiatrist so that I can continue on my medications and try to stay somewhat level headed. UGGGGHHHH!!! What a head ache. So I just got off the phone with the place and they said that I need to call my insurance company and explain to them that they need to call the hospital and make the arrangement for the single case agreement, and to give them the direct line of the billing office. So hopefully they will listen to me and take the number and call. Otherwise I don't know what I am going to do. I need to get into this program, I am already falling backward into my depression and it is not looking pretty.
Not to mention I am having intresting side effects of my medications which I need to discuss with a dr. because they are really disturbing. Several times a day I get this feeling in my head like I am going to pass out or like all the blood is rushing to the front right side of my face, and it only last for like a second or two but it is really disturbing. It could be from my cold but I have never had that before when I had a cold so I am not sure.
My anxiety level is very high today, partly due to this whole IOP thing, and partly due to the depression and all of that. I am just tired of fighting. I just want to crawl into a ball somewhere and hide from the world. I feel like no one really notices the pain I am in and even when I am asked how I am doing and I say things like 'I'm hanging in there, or I'm ok' people take that to mean I am doing just fine. I don't feel comfortable talking to the people in my house for fear that I may say something that could get me kicked out, and I can't afford to get kicked out right now, as I have no where else to go. I really need a professional to talk to and talk things thru with. I just feel trapped.