Hey Christina,

I understand about obsessing and the seemingly 'neverending' cycle of negative thoughts. Of course my negative thinking inevitably leads me to question my worth. This is a characteristic of BPD 'black and white' thinking...

Anyway, what I've been doing lately which has seemed to work quite well is definitely what DBT suggests (and what people here are saying), but let tell you what I do.

DBT suggests to distract. They suggest this in the acronym 'ACCEPTS' (Activities, Comparisons, Contributing, Emotions (opposite), Pushing Away , Thoughts, Sensations). Read the descriptions here: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/accepts.html

I have written a 'distraction' list which I keep with me at ALL TIMES. When I feel an overwhelming emotion and get trapped in what seems like a neverending cycle I pick something on the list and DO IT. My list has versatile things that I can do away from home, but my 'at home' list is different. For example my 'away from home list' doesn't have 'take a bath' on it. I have 'at home' things on one side of the paper and 'away from home' on the other.

My list includes some of these things:

-Help someone else / do something nice for someone else-- this has been the most effective for 'getting out of my own head'. At first it feels as if it's nearly impossible to do, but I find it is distracting on my thoughts and makes me also feel a sense of worth. So think of people you could do something nice for or just generally help out whether they've asked or not. Don't have expectations or even expect to be thanked, that's not the point. I could call up a lonely friend and share a laugh, help a neighbour move his couch, help a random person with their groceries, volunteer to do a task for someone that they don't want to do...etc.

-Do an activity I really love to do that absorbs me. I love to play guitar, a lot, once I pick it up I leave myself -- I am focused only on the notes, the feel of it, the sounds, what my fingers are doing, what I need to work on. Do something you LOVE to do. Draw, sing, knit, garden, play a sport, dance around your kitchen, study your stamp collection, cook a great meal and put ALL of your attention into it. Do the best kitchen dancing you've ever done.

-Meditation /prayer- This seems like it would make it worse, but it doesn't. Often sitting quiet helps to achieve Radical Acceptance (accepting my feelings without judgement) Okay, so I'm not a master or even close to 'getting' it , but I find that sitting quietly and really breathing, letting my thoughts and feelings drift past, when I get 'stuck' on something, go back to breathing...be gentle, just breathe...it helps, it does. The hardest part is sitting down and doing it.

-Spoil myself. This helps my self worth and is distracting, I enjoy to groom myself...style my hair, give myself a foot massage with soothing lotion, hot baths etc.. You can do something nice for yourself to show you you're worth it and to feel good. Make yourself a homemade strawberry smoothie, dress up really nice and take yourself to the movies, rent movies get in pj's and watch them in your blankets on the couch with popcorn, buy or pick yourself some flowers, write a nice letter to yourself as you would a good friend. It sounds lonely, but I am slowly learning to enjoy my own company which is the start of validating myself.

Maybe these suggestions will help, but I definitely recommend distracting, relaxing , accepting. If something doesn't feel good, don't do it, the point is to distract your mind..what gets you out of the cycle (even just for a little bit). Eventually with these skills we build up our resilience to stressful and negative thoughts and build coping skills that are easier to apply later on.

I don't claim to do these effectively all the time, and I am just learning. I still struggle and sit in my thoughts and feelings, but I do find the more I do it, the easier it is getting.