I need a venting place for a moment...maybe some of you can relate to this. One of the things about therapy that is most painful is when I hit issues that bring up stuff that leave me feeling scared or lost, but are things that I feel really embarrassed about being scared of because it just seems so awkward and childlike. It's like I should have learned how to deal with these feelings years ago and I get really mad at myself for being inept. I hope it makes sense what I mean without details, I just don't want to turn this into something even longer.

So then when I have to talk about them with my T and he sees how panicked and unsure I am, I feel like such a huge stupid baby, like it's absolutely ridiculous that I have to be reassured and soothed about something that an adult should have no worries about. My therapist would never ever do this but sometimes I imagine he wants to shout at me "Are you kidding, you don't understand this? What is wrong with you?"

And then I just feel frustrated, and sad, that things that have happened and the way people in my life have been were so...lacking, inadequate, that I have to be so scared and uncertain. I just want to okay, be somewhat socially normal, an emotionally healthy person already.

Thank you for reading if you have. Fingers crossed that my appointment later goes okay.