Only you will be able to find satisfying enough answers to your questions - and even thats unlikely to happen. I don't think human beings were built with the capacity to understand such things. Also if you were to lose weight and be your ideal size the chances of you being considerably happier are slim. Celebrities are just as miserable as normal people - except they have their misery splashed about on pages of newspapers and magazines. Life is hard for everyone - but without the difficulties we wouldn't be able to appreciate the better moments. Happiness is by nature, fleeting. The more we chase after it the more likely it is to allude us. I would focus on maintaining as healthy and fulfilling a lifestyle as possible - could helping others draw you out of this introspection? most people gain fulfilment from accomplishing things - this doesn't necessarily mean being ambitious, sometimes just being a kind and decent enough person is enough. Above all just try and relax and enjoy whatever comes your way, theres excitement in uncertainty as well as fear. I hope ive been helpful. All the best.