So I live with my cousin, and he helps as best he can without being able to watch me 24/7... But he just doesn't get it. He understands the concept that he will never truly understand but that's not even comforting.

I need to figure out how to explain to him what I'm feeling and what I need from him support wise. It makes me freak out when he tells me I've eaten too much or too fast and it's like I haven't done something right. I use the binging to numb things and the purging to take control and punish myself and to know that hey I can do this whole feeling things again. I know the consequences to purging but I just can't seem to help myself. I guess that's a sign of not actually wanting to change. Which scares me, but I know I'm struggling with stopping a lot of bad habits at once so that makes it even harder.

It makes me want to cry knowing that I can't figure how to explain it to my cousin. But apparently he wants to talk tonight so I'm going to have to figure something out. Any help would be great. Thanks in advance for the help and for reading this whole blob of words.

Kelly