[Put a trigger alert just in case any of this might trigger anyone]

Hey everyone,

I have been feeling depressed for the last couple of weeks. I think it partially has to do with the fact that I had a terrible cold for about 3 weeks and partially has to do with the fact that I have no money. However, I know I'm getting paid on Friday and things are looking up a little.

My pdoc recommended that I get a light box to help me with my Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I am skeptical. I have been feeling so down. I keep thinking about when I was in the psych hospital and how easy life was in there as opposed to out here in the "real world." Is this normal? To want to go back inpatient because it is easier than dealing with reality?

On another note, and I am sorry if this is TMI, but my fiance is getting upset with me because I do not want to have sex with him. When I get depressed, my sex drive disappears. I wish he would understand that it isn't that I don't want him, it is that I just don't feel up to it. Do others have this problem when depressed?

I really wish I could just figure out how to get out of my funk. I never really "bounced back" after I left inpatient in June. How is that possible? Am I really that messed up that I can't ever be "normal" again?

Maybe it is the meds... who knows. I've been taking them sporadically partially because I forget to take them sometimes and partially because I did not have the money to pay for them.

Sorry for my ramblings... I am just tired of feeling depressed and tired of feeling like a burden to everyone around me. I am going through a DBT group and I think it is helping, but there is so far to go before I even remotely reach a state of sanity.

Thanks to anyone who read. You guys are a great support group.