agree. it is very very difficult to pull yourself out of that mentality. i think it makes sense to feel removed from thinking about it. i know i used to just go away in my head completely, but meanwhile my body was otherwise engaged. i think it is what had to happen in order to survive cope.
i hope you will one day soon be free of abuse. i hope you are planning and preparing the best you can for that time. please keep yourself as safe as you can, in your own ways. thanks for sharing this.