Tigerlilly... of course you are NOT alone.. though I'm sure it feels that way. You can have support IRL too... it's up to you...

I don't have an abuse problem, though a few doctors tried to pin that on me..and the feeling is horrible, I know....

but you are not your addictions...you do need therapy and support IRL too.. to find out why you are "self medicating"... must be some heavy stuff you are dealing with. IMO if you are that strong to cope in any way... then you can get out of the situation you are in. It won't be easy. It won't be fast. But you can do it... and we here at PC will help.. if you want, and if you let us.

Sometimes we have to do things for ourselves even when we don't feel like it, and maybe not even want to.