Quote:
Originally Posted by asdfdoc
hi guys,
I am certain I have bpd and I am 28 yo male. I've been dating this girl and she asked me to marry her. Like all other relationships, I was obsessed and super interested in the beginning but eventually became dull. I like everything about her. It's just that I cannot feel emotions well due to my BPD. I want to make this work but the feeling isn't just there. I have never felt love to my family, friends or girlfriends. For gf, maybe the obsession in the beginning is what I call love. I am hopeless in a way that I will never be able to find the one. I feel worthless (not suicidal) to my gf that I can never be better for her or I am not good enough for her. I want to give her an answer but it's difficult. I started seeing a psychiatrist for my adhd and bpd. I've tried adhd medications without success. I am a bit lost and this marriage thing is another big hurdle for me. Although I am happy that she asked me but I am so confused and lost. I was on wellbutrin at the moment she asked me and wellbutrin made me completely emotionless. I saw my gf crying and I didn't feel a thing. I am off wellbutrin for a couple of days trying to figure this out but it's going nowhere.
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A few thoughts came to mind when I read your post:
1) May I ask how long you have been going out? A lot of people I've asked have said it takes at least a year to get to know somebody.
2) I disclosed some similar thoughts to my T a while back. Soon after I asked him if he thought I was ready for a serious relationship (I was feeling pretty lonely at the time). He's usually pretty wishy washy but on this question, it took him only about 2 seconds to answer "NO". And I wasn't talking about marriage! Two other people who know me well agreed with him. So I seriously doubt you are ready.
3) I like Girl's suggestion as it gives you some breathing space, but I think you should also work on communicating your feelings to your gf (even if it is a lack of feelings due to your BPD) and that you are actively trying to get better. I wouldn't overdramatize this or spend a lot of time on it, and I probably wouldn't mention 'BPD', just a few symptoms that are relevant to your relationship with her. Her reaction to a small dose of 'what lies beneath' will give you some insight into what she's made of (ie: caring and empathetic or takes off at the first sign of imperfection).
4) Are you in therapy? I think you would benefit from it as I've not heard of a drug yet that works for BPD (although some can alleviate some of the depressive or bipolar symptoms if you're lucky). Therapy certainly does help with communication skills in close relationships, at least for me it does.