I've worked my nerve up and I'm going to call my psych tomorrow, ask for an appointment and, at the appointment, I'm going to ask to be admitted to the intensive outpatient program. It's going to be the hardest thing I've done in terms of treatment since walking into the ER in 2010, telling them I was suicidal and being taken by police car to the hospital.

I'm being hit hard by what I think is withdrawal from Seroquel and mixed states, rapid cycling and depression. Granted, I'm not sure 75 mg of Seroquel is enough to trigger withdrawals. This is the worst I've been since I was first diagnosed in the psych hospital. There is a chance of being put in the hospital, which would be very, very hard on the kids. Hopefully I can avoid that and do outpatient. It's 4-5 days per week for six to eight weeks. First I'll have to make sure my MIL can take care of our one year old while I do it. If she can't then it's off to the hospital with me if my psych can't see me on a weekly basis. I'm also am hoping this can be kept between DH, MIL, the clergy at our church and myself. I absolutely do not want my parents involved. They will make it about them and act like this is something I've intentionally done to make their life hard. I don't need that. They made life hell for awhile after I was admitted the first time. Somehow my bipolar is all about them.