You arn't letting any of us down. It's okay to be on medication. I need to be on meds too. It sucks, but it is well worth it. I can have meaningful relationships. I can take care of my son and help my husband. Taking meds does not mean you failed. It makes you smart. Smart enough to know when you should be taking them. I am so proud of you for taking steps to reclaim your life and freedom by going back on meds.