I have borderline personality disorder. Ever since I was at least 11 or 12, my mind has blocked me out. I'm completely detached from it. I can't picture or imagine anything, I cant think at all. Everything I say or do is like an impulse. I dissociate as well.

I lost complete touch with reality (depersonalization?) over a month ago. And ever since, everything has be hell. Spiraling downhill. I alternate rapidly between suicidal, wanting to cut, being really *****y and emotionally abusive, and feeling so angry that I feel possessed. I have little control over what I do or say. My mind has a mind of its own. My identity changes rapidly. I can't remember anything anymore.

Last night, I was really irritated and something triggered me, I can't remember what it was, but I tried to hurt myself with the first thing in sight, a metal nail file (not sharp enough, but it left some decent scrapes). I was then sitting on the couch talking to my mother, I was just rambling about everything. And then I started to feel really angry inside, I felt this blackness overwhelming me inside. I started to think about hurting other people. The feeling was really intense, so I was super angry, but I also had to hold back from crying at the same time.

All of a sudden, I get this tingling sensation in my scalp, and I heard a voice. It was only short, it was a very soothing feminine female voice. Kind of sounded like Arwen from LOTR. The 'door to my mind' had opened up for a brief second and this voice came out, but I couldn't hear exactly what was being said because of all the background noise inside the part of my mind that what just opened. It sounded like a very crowded mall. Lots of panic or chaos.

As soon as I started to hear the voice and background noise, I started to panic, and it stopped immediately and my mind closed again.

WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!? I've always kind of suspected DID because of how my mind is blocking me out completely, but does this like confirm it? Or am I hallucinating or going psychotic?