Hi Everyone!

I am new to the forums and this is my first post. My way of introduction let me say that I am 32 and my main diagnosis is major depression. I also have anxiety, but I only take medication for the depression. I enjoy my job a lot because I get to help people. For fun I like to be with friends and I have friends that are good people.

A friend recommended this forum to me and I had a question that I thought maybe you could help me with. I did a little looking around and I couldn’t find a question that has a similar to the situation I am dealing with. I have asked a few of my friends for help, and while what they told me has been useful I still have questions.

Six months ago I switched companies but I am in the same profession. When I switched companies I learned that the employees were very cliquish but one lady is what I would call different or eccentric and as soon as I started she took a liking to me. She helped me out and showed me the ropes right away. She did many favors she me. She wanted to be friends even though she is actually thirty years older than me. She was very nice and sweet. She does a lot of volunteer work and goes out of her way to help everyone.

But then I realized that she lies all the time. She lies about her past and she lies about being sick. She has a different health problem all the time but she never misses work. I don’t question people about sickness but she just has too much wrong with her to be realistic and since she lies about lots of other things its hard to believe her about the illnesses too.

When I found out she lies I felt very very betrayed and hurt. I suddenly didn’t like her anymore but we still hung out with eachother. I felt angry that she would lie to me so much. But then I found out some things about her life that I know are true (I did research online. I am good at researching about people) that are very sad and she told me she was abused a lot when she was a child. I don’t know why but I believe that she was abused because of other details that are true. Some of the stories are horrible but I don’t want to tell details or anything. I don’t think her mother loved her or she was too overwhelmed to provide her a stable life. I talked to one of my friends about this lady and my friend who studied psychology said she couldn’t diagnosis her but said she exhibits some signs of a personality disorder like she doesn’t have good boundaries with other people and she does things for attention like the sickness and lies to make her life seem more interesting. My friend also said this lady probably does nice and giving things so much so people with like her and approve of her.

I am still hurt very much by this because I really looked up to her and I almost saw her like an aunt that would look out for me. But now I think maybe she only does nice things for me so I will like her and approve of her and that is hurtful that she isn’t genuine. And she makes up that she is sick so people feel sorry for her.

I don’t know what to do. I am having a lot of trouble forgiving her. I didn’t find all this out until a month ago and I haven’t confronted her but its been bothering me a lot. I don’t think she meant to hurt me but she did. Sometimes I wonder if she can help the lying because she must know lying is wrong and still does it I had a hard childhood too and I have worked to get over it in my life. This lady is in her sixties and is still acting like this.

My friend who said she might have a personality disorder also said that it is not her fault and that she didn’t asked to be abused as a child and that maybe she has done the best she could.

I want to forgive her really badly and go back to the way things were before. But I feel like our friendship can’t ever be the same and isn’t even a real friendship.

Can someone tell me if you think she lies on purpose and also how I can find a way to forgive her?