I hesitated about answering because I think we both know that what works for me and my therapist is probably not going to be helpful for you. That said, when he and I are having really difficult conversations and I'm not feeling heard or like he understands me, what he does is try to summarize what I'm saying. In at least one conversation, I had to keep stopping him and trying again at least three times, and the third time I started crying because I was so frustrated and angry. Then I still had to be come back the next session and clarify again what I was saying. Finally, then, when we were both calm and had a week to think about things, then it seemed like he FINALLY understood what I was saying.

For what it's worth, I've asked him several times to explain how some process of therapy works. He either talks to me about the science involved and neural pathways and blah blah, or he just says no, he cannot explain it well. He says 'something about the process of therapy' causes X effect. Or whatever. But he's pretty upfront when he doesn't have an exact answer.