She just says she does listen.
And that she does not know why I don't understand her.

I don't have these issues with the second one I see - so I don't think it is just me. When I tell the second one stuff like the examples everyone has given, she stops and repeats back and we both try rephrasing etc until she gets it - and even when it is difficult, she at least gets my frustration and she keeps trying with me until we are more clear with each other.