I really had a bad day at work today. I try to do as much as I can, but I totally disappointed people today. I hate myself for not being normal. I hate myself so much that it is all that I feel right now. I feel so alone and separated from other people, I'm never going to 'fit in'. I'm tired of trying. Being in this state reminds me of how much my therapist hated me at the end, and I'm not projecting. I wish I had never done anything to ever make him hate me, but I did and I do this with others I'm a failure. The whole world could hate me and I feel so much hate for myself that it wouldn't make a difference. I'm so tired of being okay one day and then hitting rock bottom. I'm tired of trying to assimilate into the general population and I'm tired of thinking about being terminated. I am so ****ing sick to ****ing death of my termination sinking into every ****ing thought I have and showing up unwanted. It is an entity of its own and pops up in my head whenever it pleases. I ****ing hate every minute of every day. My absence was the best gift my therapist ever received. I hate myself.