You seem to be at that "Oh f*%#!" point, where what you've been doing suddenly sinks in and you realize the consequences...I'm sure everyone has been through it, I know I did. But here's the good news...hopefully it'll scare you into stopping. For me, it just made me more depressed and I convinced myself that I was a monster. My self-injury actually escalated after that point and essentially consumed my life. It became a part of me...a dark side. Please stop now because trust me, you do NOT want to get to that point.

As far as the scars, yes they are all permanent. However, that does not mean that you can't fade or diminish them. Some of the scars from my early cuts are impossible to see now, though I'm sure they're still actually there. I've tried Mederma scar gel as well...I used it at least once a day for quite awhile (several months). It mostly just helped make them less red and blend in with my skin, but they were still there. I still have to cover them up. I haven't tried anything else so far.