I've been trying to get juices flowing here at home, and well, I don't think he is interested. It hurts tat he's denying me, instead of me denying him. Anyway, I don't think it's the sex anymore, I really don't. I think it's more then the sex, it's something beyond that, that is effecting me in many ways, even sexually. I think I'm not in love with my husband, that's what it is. I like him, ultimately, but I think I've given up trying with him. He's a %#@&#! dickhead, and you know what I %#@&#! DO DESERVE BETTER. I do, it's time for me to get out on my own. I'm ready to move on and be a single woman. I've never been this serious about it before.

I'm completely changing the subject here, but hell, since it's my thread I'm gonna go ahead and twist the rules for a minute.

Last night I escaped to my Mom's house because I couldn't take being around my husband anymore. He was yelling and cussing at me and the kids. He was laying on his *** doing nothing, watching T.V, and was calling me a lazy ***.

I went to Mom's, of course it got worse, because my Mom's a worthless piece of %#@&#!.

Anyway, my husband woke up in the middle of the night and demanded that I get up and trim the back of his hair. I did that for him, and he cussed me out because it didn't look the way he wanted it too look. He called me stupid.

I'm done, I've never been done before. That's where it comes from, my lack of sexual interest, stems from the fact that his a major %#@&#! *** hole to me all the time. How am I supposed to be turned on, he won't even kiss me. We haven't kissed in years!!

That's what I mean to him, he's obvisiouly put me in place.....on his %#@&#! list, so it's time for me to move on, and forget about what I will lose in the process. It's time for me to think of what I will gain. Freedom! I will no longer be called stupid, and I will no longer have to ask permission to go to the store!! I will be able to get a job if I please.

I'm ready, I need support, I need encouragement, I need a friend. I wish I had a girl I could room with. Maybe my sister will let me move in with her till I get on my own or something.