Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue
Yep, i'm def not in adult-mode right now that is for sure. And i do have major attachment issues. I probably am testing her a bit but i honestly feel like if i push too hard i'll lose her anyway.
I feel like pushing really really hard because i am angry but i am equally as terrified that i will succeed in pushing her away. I want to push her away because i don't like being emotionally reliant on anyone yet if i succeed at pushing her away i'll be devastated. Yet... what the point of getting attached to someone u see an hour a week. Someone who can quite easily get rid of you and not even care because it's just their job.
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(((Asia))) I don't think your anger is really about your T.
I too don't like being emotionally reliant on anyone yet my inner child self craves emotional connection. It sounds like you are having that inner tug of war. You want to push your T away to protect yourself from being/feeling attached to T and to insure your T does go away. If you have a good T (I'm guessing you do) your T will not leave you however if you choose to stop going to T (something I don't recommend) your T has no power to stop you.
Being attached is a part of the therapy process. I left my first T thinking I wouldn't be facing attachment with a new therapist and I was wrong. With the second T I started to have an attachment and then things went awry. She wasn't a good T for me and I didn't feel safe with her so the attachment dissolved and I went back to my first T.
Please be patient with your feelings and share them with T. Perhaps you should contact T and see about getting your appointment earlier if that's still an option? Eventually it does feel a little less scary. I'm still working on it.
