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I wouldn't really be feeling safe in that situation, either. How can you feel safe when you can't know from what she is saying to you what's really going on? That was the situation for so many of us growing up... things are said, but contradicted later, or things are not said and expected to be understood.
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exactly. it was a total contradiction from her previous stance, and made worse by the fact that i was too afraid to say anything.
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It seems almost passive-aggressive to me. I don't know what's going on with her, but I think sometimes T's do forget the power they wield... they have access to both what they are thinking and feeling, and whatever you tell them (verbally or not) about what you are thinking and feeling. You only have the latter, and so are VERY reliant on clarity and consistency. She's not being clear or consistent!
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yes, she certainly has a lot of power (don't they all?) no, she's not being clear or consistent. consistency was one of the things i used to always count on her for, but now it seems to depend on her mood or whatever. actually, i think she might be influenced by other clients. like with the emailing thing - it seemed totally misdirected, as if another client had abused that privilege but that she was letting
me know about it.
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You do have to call her on it, though. Sometimes she might not even realize she hasn't connected two inconsistent things she's done, and doesn't realize you're missing the link between the two. Other times, you just need to stand up for what you know is right for you. Come up with a plan for who initiates hugs, stuff like that.
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i'm sure i will call her on it, but i don't see her again for another two weeks. i'm not sure if our ability to communicate over the phone is well-developed enough to deal with this. but yeah, the hugs thing is definitely bothering me too.
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As for your sexuality... yeah, kind of a big deal. Does it feel like she's kind of checking out? Does she seem preoccupied? How long have you had this feeling of her kind of withdrawing or failing to communicate?
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thanks for saying that, sallybrown (and for the rest of your post). i felt like it was a big deal too. yes, it seems like she was checking it out and worse i was feeling like she was happy about it. i was telling her how much i enjoyed being around "male energy" lately, and she got this huge smile on her face (it's not an expression i see often, so it surprised me). i've not felt this way before with her, but it was almost as if she was relieved or something as to how i was feeling - like that i might be "straight." for the record, she seems (or at least, used to seem)
very open to alternative lifestyles, etc. in fact, at one point in today's conversation, she said something like, "we're ALL capable of having/acting out those desires.. it's just a matter of if we're willing to or not." something like that, anyway. i don't know how long i've had this feeling.. maybe a few months at least. when i address it, she says it's because of the stuff
i'm going through - like that i might be withdrawing because i can't handle the increased intimacy (with her) or whatever other feelings are coming up.