Dr. Irene tips:

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<font size=+1>Victims planning to leave their abuser typically have few resources, are frightened, intimidated and feel guilty. Here are some general tips for those planning to leave.

* Read Gavin De Becker's The Gift of Fear

* Get support. Whenever possible, enlist the help and support of family and friends.

* Plan ahead: Do whatever you have to do to build up a nest egg. You deserve no less.

* Have a place to live lined up.

* Guilt tying your hands? Drop the guilt for once and for all - and forever! Guilt is irrational, keeps you manipulated, serves no good purpose, and is self-destructive. It is your job to take care of yourself! Dumping guilt is your first lesson!

* Stop being an open book. You don't owe your abuser explanations! (Do you get explanations?) You are an adult; start acting like one.

* If you fear for your safety, call the authorities to help. It is illegal to block your exit! They can escort you out and put you in touch with shelters, if necessary.

* Contact your attorney or State authorities to find out your rights, responsibilities, and options. Knowledge is power!

* Warning your abuser that the moving truck will come by 9 am Saturday morning is not usually a good idea. If you are serious about getting out, you are better off avoiding a confrontation by leaving without notice and when the abuser is out of the house.

* You possessions are less important than you are.

* Leave no forwarding address. Get an unlisted phone no. Change your email address.

* Advise your employer of the situation and have your abuser turned away & phone calls blocked.

* Telephone harassment is illegal as well. Ask police and/or telephone personnel what your options are.

* Get an order of protection if you need one. If you've ever been hit, you need one. If you've been threatened, you need one. If your property has been damaged, you need one. Call your local police station if you're not sure.

* Look in your local Yellow Pages. Look for domestic violence groups usually listed in the Government sections.

* Get caller ID.

* If your abuser calls, don't answer - or hang up. If the phone rings again, hang up again. And again.

* Do not talk to your abuser if you don't want to or if you feel you will weaken. Give yourself time to see things more clearly before you communicate.

* Get emotional help. Join a support group; call a therapist.

* Open your mouth. Don't protect your abuser's ugly secret. Tell the world what was done to you and why you left.

* Document, document, document.

* Keep any incriminating letters, messages on your phone machine, and save emails, etc.

* Never, ever, ever hide physical abuse. If you have bruises, call the police to document your wounds. Likewise with your family doctor.

* Remember that your abuser thrives on intimidation. Most abusers will fold once you stand up to them.

* Remember that your abuser uses your empathy and guilt against you to manipulate you. Get mad, not guilty!

* Get your backing in place before you make your stand (authorities, finances, emotional stuff etc.).

* Never forget: without treatment, abuse will get worse, not better...
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Note:
Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and
must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from
your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos Copyright© 2000. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given.

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