I would agree with the others who say that talking to her directly about the snapping at you and the inconsistency (I thought Sally's perspective that sometimes we don't even realize that we are being inconsistent was really helpful and insightful) would be a helpful thing for you to do. I know that anytime I have expressed feeling that my T is giving me any kind of negative attitude, he is always very responsibility-taking about that and is straight about saying that he did not mean to express negativity, and he's sorry that he did. I know that I am not always aware when I'm snapping at people even though when it's pointed out to me I can usually see where they are coming from.

I do relate to the sexuality issue both in the abstract and in the idea of containment. I was on the board of my community GLBT center and had otherwise dated women for more than 15 years when I found myself in love with the man who is still my H 15 years later. It was way harder to come out about my relationship with him than it ever was to date women in the first place. As I look back I realize that love and attraction for me have probably always been about the person rather than the gender per se, but it took me awhile to get to that place rather than freaking out about what it would mean for my life to at least appear "straight".

I do wonder about whether your perspective about your T failing to help you contain these big feelings that you revealed at the end of your session is a bit skewed. I think first of all that "doorknob moments" in T (things said at the end of session where there isn't enough time to resolve them) are the responsibility of the client to really bring up earlier in the session or to be satisfied that these really need to be continued in the next session. It's not always possible, but I have found it's a lot better for my therapy if I bring up the big stuff at the beginning of a session.

Containment is a frequent topic in my therapy and one of the things I really appreciate about my T is that he is careful to allow me to container things myself rather than rushing in to do it for me. Sometimes he asks if I need to container something before I leave, and I say yes. Then I use my skills of imagery to literally leave it somewhere nearby his office (the roof of the building outside his window has various "boxes" and I like to use those), or I release it into the universe, where the big thing feels small). Sometimes he will say "it feels like it has been put away" and I will confirm that is the case. Occasionally I have had trouble putting it away, so I ask him to help. Learning to container things myself is a coping skill that really helps me outside the therapy room and is one of the best things I have learned that has improved my quality of life and allowed me to generally be more mindful.

But my interpretation of what happened with your T is that when she agreed that you should container this big feeling, she thought that you had already done so. By agreeing, she was empowering your recognition that you were doing the right thing. For her to "do" for you after that would have interfered in your process of containering and disempowered you. If you felt unable to container it, I think that you should have raised this with her and asked her to help you with it. Otherwise, I think it was reasonable for her to think that you had it under control and for her to try to impose a containering on you would be more about her need to "help" and do for you rather than your need to be able to do this yourself, including asking for help if you need it.

I think that this is similar to lots of issues in T. Part of our work as clients is articulating to our T's what we need from them. This means communicating that we are having difficulty with a certain thing and that we need specific assistance with it. The help our T's can offer after we say what we want acts as a bridge until we can do it for ourselves.